war inside my head

So, I'm at my parents house, just found this poem i wrote ages ago, seems kinda dumb now I read it, like this clumsy awful giant with too many limbs. Still, its kinda interesting, in a way. I think so anyway.

1. ‘The Civilian’

I killed a man today
In the town square
The village said
A silent prayer

I was a hero that night

The fight was raging and the people were helpless
But I forgot how to be a man
And now they believe I’m Jesus

Men cry bloodied tears
Screams escape covered ears
The people realise their wildest fears
And my family have disappeared


2. ‘The Soldier’

I’m just a man
Just doing a job

As a kid they said to me…
‘For you son it’s the army or the mob’

The gods asked my assistance
And the country needs my life
I was sent to fight resistance
And I’ll fight them until I die
But the angels tell me that
Resistance is born right here where I lie


3. ‘The Conscience’

I have no family near me
And I’ve never seen this gun
I live in a house in England
And from no one must I run

The people call me Jesus ‘cos the people aren’t alive
When I feel guilt I feel uneasy because what I feel’s a lie

I didn’t protect that town and I didn’t protect that state
Its time to realise this truth and resolve to face my fate


The Story

Soldiers attack a village to root out some kind of insurrectionary group, ‘The Civilian’ stands up to the army to protect his family and kills ‘The Soldier’ This makes ‘The Civilian’ feel guilty and remorseful. However, the townspeople see him as a hero despite his own self-loathing. Because he killed ‘The Soldier’ he is falsely branded as an insurrectionary leader by the authorities and his family is kidnapped and killed.

The Reality

Both ‘The Civilian’ and ‘The Soldier’ are the same person/do not really exist. They are characters in the imagination of a of a mentally ill war veteran. The three characters in the song represent ‘The Civilian’, ‘The Soldier’ and ‘The Conscience’ of the war vet trying to come to terms with reality. The song suggests that even completely different people or actual enemies are essentially part of one human consciousness and have far more in common than most people realise. It also alludes to the idea that reality as we know it is actually a fabrication. The last line depicts ’The Conscience’ realising this, being unable to deal with it and killing himself.