tourgay

So, I should be sleeping, that is the truth. I've just come off tour and that sure does affect you, physically and mentally. I'm used to getting to sleep at 4 or 5, this can't last.

Anyway, tour was fun. Much more than fun really. To say something is fun is such a trivialisation, really hardly anything is fun. We played to a lot of empty rooms and a lot of full rooms, sold quite a few CDs, slept on a lot of floors, met a few terrible people and a lot of wonderrful ones. Tour was ok.

I'm constantly bewildered by Action and Action's ability to play so hard and tight and with such passion on a nightly basis. Even when its a poor environment or everyone feels awful they just seem to pull something out from buried deep in their rib cage and set fire to it. I really can't help but feel like we have no right to play alongside them on such a regular basis, but I'm constantly motivated and inspired by the reality, that we have been presented with such an opportunity.

I'm in a weird mood, contemplative I suppose. I feel a bit like maybe Psyche Out is just riding on novelty, the whole volume and chaos thing. Also, seems like no matter what you try to do artstically, it always comes out seeming contrived. Just wanna make something that actually means something. Some pure, white, genuine, eternal heat. Something that I can be proud of.

I love this band, I love the people in it and I love the music we make, just feel constantly constrained by the eternal world and by the perceptions of others.

I feel like I just want to get away and hide somewhere without any technology, no static to distort the signal. Then maybe I can focus and create some concentrate y'know, some real strong liquor to wash down the underachievement.

Whatever, i'm just talking now, not speaking. Like the words are evaporating as soon as they come up, too quick for me, before i'm ready to let them go. Its not good.

The clocks have changed, not sure exactly what that means. I know it means I have no idea when i'm supposed to wake up.

Maybe I'll just sleep.